So yes, of course it's vital to be in the midst of everything and see the positive, the moment of calm serenity in the eye of the storm. However, it makes you wonder if you'll look back and think 'no, actually, that was all just a bit shit wasn't it'? This applies to teenage years, which whilst full of angst and turmoil are constantly fed to us as a minor blip on the otherwise steady path to adulthood. That's rubbish though, take a look back, it was horrible, full of strange hormones and traumas that made you feel like the world was crashing down around you. I think for a lot of people your experiences in those formative years shape the type of adult you become. It makes me wonder whether it would be better to have the acne out of the way during that time, or whether I'm more capable of dealing with it now. It feels a bit more unfair that I should have to face it now, that it wasn't just over and done with along with all the other toxic mess. I'm also expected to be much more grown up about it, rather than having the full on temper tantrum I feel like having when I look in the mirror. I think that amongst all the realisations about inner self-worth and not heeding to pressure, I'm still just a young woman who has to wake up every morning and see this.
The doctor is pretty sure it's at a stage where it'll permanently scar, olive skin type is the worst. It's hard not to be trouble by the fact this could be avoided more if there wasn't a 6 week wait for dermatologist referrals on the NHS, by the time we even begin the Roaccutane it'll be too late to stop the permanent pock marks. I'm trying not to get angry about it, I'm sure that doctors have enough on their hands, this is mostly aesthetic, I have to remember that. But to think I wasted so many years feeling ugly, complaining about the odd spot or blemish.....
I want to go back and shake the living daylights out of the 19 year old me and tell her to appreciate what she has. I never knew what the word 'ugly' really meant until now.
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