Had a heated discussion with my sister about getting a tattoo, I've been trying to complete a design for a half sleeve for about 4 years now. I just discovered Thomas Hooper's work, which I adore. If only I had the plane fare to New York....

Anyway; "Well, I think if you're doing it for reasons other than aesthetics, the design has purpose and you've really thought about it then you're always going to be happy with it, no matter how your body changes. If there's one thing I've learnt recently it's that people can find anything to judge you on; look at her skin, aren't her arms flabby, that tattoo looks awful. It genuinely means nothing, it's a fleeting moment, it's you who has to stand in front of a mirror and see yourself for the rest of your life. People mark and scar themselves because they aren't comfortable with who they are, I love the idea that you might mark or scar yourself because you are completely comfortable with who you are. That's the biggest draw for me."

In response to her telling me that she worries a lot about the way she looks, especially as she gets older. This made me sad, she really is beautiful;

"Why worry though? If you really look at yourself you'll see you're totally beautiful, even the bits that make you feel like you're not. Other people can influence it but ultimately it's all about you. It affects the way you see people. Like I don't look at mum and see the negatives of age or think she should lose a few pounds, I see the lovely laughter lines around her eyes and how the way she holds herself shows how open she is with everyone. I'm not saying I'm never going to get down about myself, or wish I looked like someone else. However I am going to make a real effort to see my external self as the result of a life lived, experience had and choices made."

Over and Out

Hogmanay

I would desperately like to be able to say how much better everything feels. How revived I am at the prospect of a new year. Unfortunately I absolutely loathe new years with all it's little reminders of how fast life goes by and how much of that life we spend wishing we were living somebody else's. No, I'm sorry but January can really fuck off. February, however, will bring contemplation and a feeling of impending productivity. By March I will be full of the joys of the coming spring and all it's wondrous hope.

There are exciting things coming up for this year. The EP recording is finally scheduled for the first week in February. In the mean time I'm trying to start writing again, or at least trying to get some ideas, it's like attempting to unblock a particularly stubborn drain. There's some deadlines, I want a new set of songs to start performing once the EP is finished, so I can properly lay to rest the old stuff. I also have a song to write for the Barefeet Records compilation which will be out in April (http://barefeetrecordsmusic.bigcartel.com/). After all this I'm planning on taking a hiatus in the late spring and going to visit my father in southern Spain. He's renovating an old house out there at the moment and I'm offering my (very limited) skills in return for bed and board. We have an odd way of avoiding being with one another for long periods of time due to being overly similar and prone to driving each other insane. I'm not sure that spending a few weeks working together in an old house is the best way of confronting this.

I'm hoping 2011 will be much like 2010 but with more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff.

So far I seem to be spending much of it alone, I'm never comfortable imposing myself on others when I'm in such a funk. But, as a very wise and gentle man wrote to me, it isn't winter forever.....